Our drive for intimacy is one of our strongest motivations, so powerful that many of us call it love. To be cared and care for at least one other individual has an important part to play in the development of our emotional well-being. The potency of touching & stroking has many positive effects on us, reducing stress, & easing pain. The impact of touch can also be more subtle as a famous Harvard Medical School study shows. A number of patients with similar symptoms were all to under go the same operation. The night before the anaesthetist made a proprietary visit to the patients; for half of them he provided just the usual brief information and checked that all was well. But for the others he sat on their beds, held their hands & was sympathetic, warm & spent 5 to 10 minutes longer with each patient. After the operation the patients who received the warm approach asked for only half the amount of post operative pain relief then the ‘untouched’ patients.
To know we can love & be loved just as we are is one of our deepest needs and gifts in life. It is also the need that can enrich & amplify our experience of life and when we feel a loss of intimacy and love can feel like our very essence has been obliterated & it can drive people to behave in ways that are wounding and destructive . Often this need is sought to be filled though a search for ‘the one’ yet it can be filled in a myriad of ways. Having a pet to look after and stroke, connecting with nature, showing up as a loving force because that is who you are rather then expecting it to come to you. Reaching out to others and making the effort to be the friend you would like to have. Unhealthy ways to meet this need can be bouncing from one relationship to another, tolerating poor behaviour from a friend or loved one through fear of a loss of intimacy. Having casual sex when what you wanted was emotional connection.
We are living in increasingly isolating times as so much communication is via tech. This is one of the reasons depression is on the increase among the younger generations as nothing is a substitute for true human interaction. What has to happen for you to feel you have intimacy in your life?
